Wednesday, 27 November 2013

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS - THE FERRY DINER - MY 100 WORDS BY LINDA PALUND


THE FERRY DINER

            “I’ve killed Carol.”  Annabelle declared. 
            Carol was Annabelle’s best friend.  
            When we arrived, Annabelle led us calmly through the diner to Carol’s body. 
            Annabelle had turned the Ferry into a restaurant, hiring extra help in the summer.              
            Last summer she hired a young man who seemed to drift in with the tide.  He slept in a Ferry cabin.
            His presence made Annabelle glow.  He was dangerously handsome with a lean and hungry appearance.
            Annabelle’s friends wanted to mother him, but Annabelle didn’t like seeing Carol’s car parked outside after hours.
            “She was old enough to be his mother,” she said.


This Dabble in FLASH FICTION is from FRIDAY FICTIONEERS courtesy of:
and you can comment on mine below:




42 comments:

  1. Dear Lindaura,

    Now there's a woman with nothing to hide and certainly no one to be messed with. I'd say Anabelle's future includes a lengthy prison stay. Good one.

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    1. She probably would have had more to say if I had had more than 100 words. This was a much longer story to start with and really difficult to work in 100 words. Maybe someday I'll use it as a real kitchen sink short story plot. ..

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  2. Wow! a bit of the green eyed monster going on there methinks! I liked the bit about him drifting in with the tide. Nice story Lindaura. :)

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    1. Thanks, Jan. Just another slice of real life.

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  3. Delightful little vignette.
    Very well done.

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    1. Thank you. You are right, that was what I was looking for. A little vignette...

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  4. Dear Lindaura,

    Check out the spelling in your title. If I'm wrong I'm sorry. Annabelle has issues and now the diner's deep sixed. Good story for the prompt.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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    1. Ooops! A nasty typo snuck in - thanks, because I did not notice it at all! thanks for your remarks. Poor Annabelle. Her story is lot more complicated than 100 words allowed...

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  5. Annabelle is tough, and a no b.s. kinda gal, i like that :) unfortunately, she might be going away for a long time. i like the line about him drifting in with the tide and her friends wanting to mother him

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    1. Thanks, I am glad you appreciated those little prose details...which all led to disaster...

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  6. Pretty drastic measures there--sounds like Annabelle doesn't waste much time trying to peacefully work things out. Good story.

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    1. Yes, that's the way with small town folk when they have access to guns...

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  7. Oh yes..and a kitchen contains such a nice collection of possibilities ... don't say it was a meat cleaver?

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    1. Sorry, I had the last sentence before I had to chop everything out: "I didn't even know she owned a gun."

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  8. And what is wrong with a young person dating someone old enough to be their father.... I mean, mother! Annabelle is way out of line in killing the older man... I mean woman! Nice little tale well told with a very effective ending, Linda. Have a good holiday.

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  9. Thanks, Perry...interesting to look at it from the other point of view....
    And I am still in Athens and will not be doing any holdaying at all, sadly. Tomorrow will be a busy day of grim despair!
    However, I have been enjoying my little holiday notes and I will have another one for tomorrow!

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    1. I can't look at it from any other point of view! What are you doing in Athens? That's a heck of place to be at Hanukkah!

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    2. Athens? Oh, way too long a story to go into now. But Greece is the most Christian country I have ever lived in - but Christian in their Greek Orthodox tradition and completely - COMPLETELY ignorant of other forms of Christianity, let alone Judaism. They asked me if Christians in other countries had a bible!!???!!! I don't dare tell anyone I am Jewish. Otherwise, the people are totally friendly and intelligent and offer great food and drink. They also have one of the most difficult languages to master.

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    3. You are full of surprises. Maybe you can explain to me what you do these days another time. It seemed appropriate to be in Greece because after all the Greeks had a hand in Hanukkah as the supposed villain, but they don't play that up so much I guess.

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  10. Very concise and readable! I enjoyed the part where I realized that Annabelle didn't really know if dear old Carol had done anything or not.
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/11/27/ff-friday-fictioneers-the-restaurant-at-the-end-pg13-11292013-horror/

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    1. Thanks, but I think the fact that Carol was visiting him in his cabin after hours was a bit of a give-away for Annabelle.

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  11. Arrgh! Every week, I fail to get myself signed in... but I will continue to visit. ;-) All of these creepy murder stories will have me up tonight! Well written Lindaura!

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    1. I am so sorry about the signing in. I don't know how to make it work for you... But thanks for reading, Lindaura

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  12. She sounds like a very direct kind of woman. I'm glad I don't know her! :) Well done Linda.

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    1. I guess she just reached her limit. Maybe there were too many women visiting him after hours...

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  13. Boy that would be a big diner to staff. Good one. I liked Annabelle.

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    1. Glad you liked Annabelle. I really loved this photo. It was amazing looking. Something real surreal in it, even though my story was very real.

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  14. Hi Linda,
    Taking a break from writing this week. I'm just going to read stories by some of my favorite writers. You came up with a classic love triangle tale, sans any robots at all.

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    1. Too Bad! About not offering a story, because I think the photo is so cool, I am sure you would have come up with something amazing. thank you for reading mine, sans robots et al.

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  15. Oh Annabelle! Hell hath no fury.......

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  16. Poor Annabelle, bur who knows if it was jealousy or over-protectiveness...

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  17. I get the feeling Annabelle isn't feeling much remorse for her dark deed!
    Great story.

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    1. Thanks, Alistair....As long as she didn't kill the young man, she'll be all right...

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  18. Whoa. Robbing the cradle isn't what it's cracked up to be, apparently.

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    1. No, it's not and that mothering instinct can get pretty overwhelmed by dangerous good looks....

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  19. I love how strangely matter of fact, that first line is. One wonders so many things about these characters. Quite the set up

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    1. Thank you for appreciating that line. I had an entire story in my mind and a lot of it on paper, but as you know, I had to pare it down to 100 words, so I hope the real story got out.

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  20. Linda,
    I love your beginning. It's eerie and really grabbed me. This sounds like a great story to tell in a longer format. I love diner stories, myself. Nice one!
    Amy

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    1. I would really like to flesh this out and I thought about it. It will simmer on the back burner while I try to finish (edit) the half dozen ones i've started already!

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  21. Ouch-what friendship-one snatching the other's boyfriend and the other doing her in!Loved Annabelle's honesty and no-nonsense attitude:-)A well written murder story:-)

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